


Smooth Criminal

by ColorsofaYinYang



Series: Garreg Mach University [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dimitri Is Awkward, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, M/M, No Spoilers, Relationship Advice, Swearing, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 09:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20405185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorsofaYinYang/pseuds/ColorsofaYinYang
Summary: 1:15 PMDimitri:Help what do I do if I see him at workMercedes:just be yourself!Dimitri:No one wants thatFeatures Dimitri freaking out about his love life and having the support of the Blue Lions.





	Smooth Criminal

**Author's Note:**

> Background: They all went to high school together. Blue Lions was the name of their mascot.
> 
> This takes place after the phone call in part 2. 
> 
> The title will make sense, trust me.

**Dedue** ** created Blue Lions Chat on Wednesday, 3:27 AM.**

**Dedue added Dimitri, Annette, Ashe, Felix, Ingrid, Mercedes and Sylvain to the chat.**

**Dimitri:** My apologies for bothering you all but I need some advice

  
**Ingrid:** rly dimitri? at this hour

  
**Ingrid:** I would have expected this from sylvain but u?

  
**Ashe:** what kind of advice

  
**Ashe:** also why did Dedue make the chat then?

  
**Annette:** guys

  
**Annette:** sleep

  
**Annette:** pls

  
**Dedue:** Dimitri does not know how to make a group chat. So he asked me to do it.

  
** Sylvain:** haha sounds like him

  
**Ingrid:** srsly can’t this wait until tomorrow?

  
**Dimitri:** I fear I will not sleep until I have an idea of what to do

  
**Felix:** and apparently we won’t either so just spit it out already

  
**Dimitri:** Well

  
**Dimitri:** I have a date?

  
**Sylvain:** *spits out drink*

  
**Annette:** and suddenly i’m wide awake

  
**Ingrid:** _@Sylvain_ Why would u be drinking something while asleep

  
**Sylvain:** have my poor sleep deprived eyes deceived me

  
**Sylvain:** Dimitri’s got a girlfriend before me?!

  
**Dimitri:** …

  
**Dimitri:** It’s

  
**Dimitri:** Not a girl

  
**Sylvain:** *spits out drink again*

  
**Mercedes:** oh my

  
**Annette:** OMGG

  
**Annette:** who is it???

  
**Ingrid:** ^

  
**Sylvain:** ^

  
**Ashe:** ^

  
**Mercedes:** ^

  
**Dimitri:** I’d rather not say?

  
**Annette:** aww you can’t just leave us hanging like that

  
**Dedue:** If no one has any advice I suggest we leave this conversation to tomorrow and go back to sleep.

  
**Sylvain:** you expect us to sleep at a time like this

  
**Sylvain:** Dimitri

  
**Sylvain:** Dimitri

  
**Dimitri:** Yes?

  
**Sylvain:** flirting with guys is like flirting with girls and fortunately for you i’m an expert at both

  
**Felix:** ha

  
**Sylvain:** first let them know you’re interested

  
** Sylvain:** flowers are always a good start

  
**Sylvain:** unless they’re allergic

  
**Mercedes:** if you know them well you could give them some other type of gift!

  
**Mercedes:** whenever I find nice hairclips at the market I buy them for Annie 😊

  
**Annette:** and i buy baked goods for Mercie ❤️

  
**Ashe:** also spend time with them, i always feel closer with others when i eat dinner with them or cook with them!

  
** Felix:** you could spar with them

  
**Dimitri:** These are all good suggestions, thank you

  
**Dimitri:** I will try some of these

  
** Felix:** finally

  
** Felix:** are we done here then?

  
** Dimitri:** Yes good night

  
** Ashe:** good night!

  
** Ingrid:** goodnight

  
**Sylvain:** night everyone

** Annette:** gnite!

  
**Mercedes:** sweet dreams

  
**Annette:** Dimitri you’d better let us meet him you know!!!

  
**Dimitri:** Well

  
**Dimitri:** I guess I’ll ask him about it

  
** Dimitri:** Later though

  
** Felix:** go to sleep already I have a lecture at 7

  
** Sylvain:** well fuck same

**1:15 PM**

**Dimitri:** Help what do I do if I see him at work

  
**Mercedes:** just be yourself!

  
**Dimitri:** No one wants that

  
**Ingrid:** Dimitri this mystery man of urs will love u no matter what

  
**Ingrid:** Even tho ur a hot mess

  
**Dimitri:** Thank you?

  
**Ingrid:** And if he doesn’t i’ll chop his dick off

  
**Sylvain:** yo wtf Ingrid

  
**Ashe:** I didn’t know you got a job? Where?

  
**Dimitri:** The Black Eagle Café

  
** Annette:** oh beagles! that’s the place near the bio building right?

  
** Annette:** i don’t drink coffee but sometimes i go with Mercie after class

  
**Annette:** maybe we’ll come and visit you!

  
** Dimitri:** That would be nice

  
**Dimitri:** And thank you Ingrid for the… reassurance?

  
**Ingrid:** anytime

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Thursday – 10:24 AM**

  
**Sylvain:** so I know this is the Dimitri is gay chat but there’s a smash tourney going on rn anyone want to join?

  
**Ingrid:** don’t u have class?

  
** Sylvain:**

  
**Felix:** I call dibs on Ike

  
**Sylvain:** that’s the spirit 👏👏

  
**Ashe:** can i be Link?

  
**Sylvain:** Ashe you can be whatever you want, no one can say no to that face

  
** Ashe:** 😊 thanks?

  
**Dedue:** I will come as well. It sounds like a good bonding experience.

  
**Mercedes:** Annie and I have class so we can’t make it sorry! maybe next time though

  
** Dimitri:** Same here

  
**Sylvain:** aww man but ok

  
**Sylvain:** well Ingrid you coming or not?

  
**Ingrid:** …

  
**Ingrid:** fine but i’m playing Snake

**11:01 AM**

** Sylvain:** omg how tf is Dedue such a god at piranha plant?

  
**Sylvain:** like it’s a fucking plant

  
**Sylvain:** and he didn’t even choose it! he went with random!

  
**Felix:** you’re playing zero suit samus

  
**Felix:** you suck at zero suit samus

  
**Annette:** who else is there? anyone we know?

  
**Ingrid:** Dorothea’s Jigglypuff keeps fucking KILLING ME

  
**Ingrid:** well i think i’m out of the tourney

  
**Ingrid:** also Bernadetta’s finally come out of her room and her Kirby’s wrecking shop

  
**Felix:** I beat cap falcon

  
** Felix:** *Leonie

  
**Sylvain:** I regret inviting Felix he’s too good

  
**Sylvain:** at least I beat Lorenz

  
**Sylvain:** he only plays Bayonetta but

  
**Sylvain:** he’s not good

  
**Ashe:** there’s two guys next to me, one’s like really energetic and i think the other one’s sleeping

  
** Ashe:** but he’s like, still playing?

  
**Dedue:** There is also a person here named Ferdinand.

  
**Felix:** we all know his name because he keeps shouting “I am Ferdinand von Aegir” when he uses his final smash

  
**Sylvain:** he’s playing as himself for gods sake

  
**Felix:** he’s going down

  
**Dimitri:** That’s my coworker, please don’t damage him too much

  
**Felix:** no promises

  
**Mercedes:** well it sounds like you’re having fun

  
**Annette:** tell us who wins ok! i want to know who my competition is!

  
**Dedue:** Will do.

**12:02 PM**

  
** Sylvain:** yes Felix didn’t win!

  
**Felix:** fuck you

  
**Dedue:** Bernadetta won, if you must know.

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Friday – 8:31 AM**

  
**Ingrid:** did anyone hear that loud crashing sound?

  
**Dedue:** I believe it came from Annette’s room.

  
** Dimitri:** Do you think she might be hurt?

  
**Mercedes:** Annie are you okay?

  
**Mercedes:** are you okay Annie

  
**Sylvain:** you’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, a smooth criminal

  
**Ingrid:** SYLVAIN

  
** Ingrid:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME

  
**Mercedes:** Annie I’m coming over

  
**Annette:** it’s ok i’m fine guys!

  
**Annette:** i just fell off the bed that’s all

  
**Mercedes:** oh thank Seiros

  
**Mercedes:** you’re not hurt? i can patch you up

  
**Annette:** nono i’m fine i swear! thank you though Mercie ily ❤️

  
** Mercedes:** i’m glad, ily too ❤️

  
**Ingrid:** why can’t Dimitri be this good at communication

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Saturday - 4:38 PM**

  
**Dimitri:** Help I’m so nervous

  
**Dimitri:** What do I wear

  
**Annie:** something nice but not too nice

  
**Dimitri:** Ok how about this?

  
**Dimitri:** A445G.png

  
**Annie:** um no

  
**Ingrid:** rly dimitri a turtleneck?

  
**Ingrid:** i’m no expert in fashion but even i can say that looks atrocious

  
**Dimitri:** It is my armor

  
**Mercie:** _@Dimitri_ take a picture of your closet

  
**Dimitri:** A845D.png

  
**Mercie:** wear that dark blue one with some black slacks and send us a pic?

  
**Dimitri:** Ok one moment

  
**Dimitri:** A732F.png

  
**Annie:** yes

  
**Sylvain:** hot daaaamn 😉

  
**Felix:** sylvain stop

  
**Sylvain:** it’s not my fault Dimitri’s showing up like a wet dream here

  
**Dedue:** It is amazing what a change of clothes can do for a person.

  
**Dimitri:** Thank you, also someone mentioned bringing flowers as a gift?

  
** Dimitri:** Dedue you work at a flower shop correct? What sorts of flowers should I get him

  
**Dedue:** Meet me there in ten minutes. I’ll help you pick some out.

  
**Dimitri:** Thank you, truly

  
**Dedue:** Of course.

**5:27 PM**

  
**Dimitri:** I’m standing outside his apartment door, any last words of advice?

  
**Ingrid:** why don’t u just ring the doorbell already?

  
**Dimitri:** He said 5:30

  
**Annette:** Dimitri you’re so silly!

  
** Annette:** no one’s going to be mad at you for being a few minutes early!

  
**Dimitri:** I’d rather not risk it

  
**Sylvain:** relax, have fun, if he starts flirting with you don’t freeze up!

  
**Ingrid:** if he asked u out he already knows how awkward u are so ur probably fine, just stay off ur phone

  
**Sylvain:** also always accept any hospitality! like if he offers you his jacket or something

  
**Mercedes:** you’ll be fine Dimitri go get him it’s 5:30

  
**Dimitri:** Alright wish me luck

  
**Ashe:** good luck!

  
** Annette:** good luck! text us EVERYTHING when you leave ok?

  
**Ingrid:** yes with the amount of time we’ve invested into this we deserve a results report

**9:04 PM**

  
**Annette:** wow he hasn’t left yet? he must really be enjoying himself

  
**Felix:** either that or he left three hours ago and just forgot to text us

  
** Annette:** aw Felix don’t say that

**9:43 PM**

  
**Dimitri:** um

  
**Annette:** Dimitri you’re back! what happened?

  
**Dimitri:** I kissed him

  
**Dimitri:** Is it okay to kiss on a first date?

  
**Dimitri:** Well I guess he asked to kiss me first

  
**Dimitri:** But I can’t tell when he’s joking

  
**Dimitri:** Maybe he was joking?

  
**Ashe:** i don’t think he was joking

  
**Ingrid:** what did his face look like after the kiss?

  
**Dimitri:** I didn’t process it

  
**Dimitri:** I was too busy internally panicking

  
**Annette:** Dimitri why

  
**Ingrid:** did u talk about anything before that?

  
**Dimitri:** Well I did ask him if he wanted to meet you guys

  
**Dimitri:** And he said yes

  
**Mercedes:** well that’s a good sign! I’m sure you’re just overreacting Dimitri

  
**Mercedes:** we should all go see a movie together!

  
**Ashe:** does he like marvel? the school’s showing endgame in the dining hall on wednesday

  
**Dimitri:** I suppose I’ll ask him tomorrow

  
**Dimitri:** Thank you for helping me everyone

  
**Mercedes:** of course!

  
**Felix:** we can’t exactly leave you to drown in your own awkwardness

  
**Ingrid:** np

  
**Ashe:** we all just want you to be happy Dimitri

  
** Sylvain:** ^seconded

  
**Sylvain:** you’ve been down ever since… you know

  
**Dedue:** It is nice to see you in good spirits for once.

  
**Annette:** oh! do we get to know his name now?

  
** Dimitri:** I suppose I can tell you

  
**Dimitri:** His name is Claude

  
**Sylvain:** wait THE Claude?

  
**Ingrid:** isn’t that the guy who pranked all the professors by putting memes on their office doors?

  
**Ashe:** and took his student id card picture while upside-down?

  
**Felix:** he also started that minecraft server that blew up

  
**Felix:** both figuratively and literally

  
**Ingrid:** Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd are u dating an actual meme?!

  
**Dimitri:**

  
**Dimitri:** Well look at the time it’s getting late I should really go to bed

  
**Annette:** aw aren’t you going to tell us all the juicy details of your date?

  
** Dimitri:** We’re still doing the study group thing tomorrow in the library right? I’ll tell you all then

  
**Dimitri:** After we’re finished studying, of course

  
** Annette:** alright fine

  
**Annette:** see you all tomorrow then!

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Sunday – 10:32 AM**

  
**Sylvain:** hey Felix what did you get for question 7

  
**Felix:** we’re sitting right next to each other just lean over and look

  
**Sylvain:** wait you’re inviting me into your personal bubble?

  
**Sylvain:** oh Felix

  
**Sylvain:** we’ve known each other our whole lives

  
**Sylvain:** I’m sorry for not seeing your true feelings sooner

  
**Felix:** shit the fuck up

  
**Sylvain:**

  
**Ingrid:** sylvain stop laughing this is a library we’re going to get kicked out

  
**Felix:** *shut

  
**Annette:** omg

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Monday – 9:04 AM**

  
**Dimitri:** Claude said he’d be willing to see the movie with us

  
**Ashe:** great!

  
**Ingrid:** i’d like to see what kind of person can deal with dimitri’s awkwardness

  
**Annette:** honestly same

**Blue Lions Chat**

  
** Wednesday – 5:22 PM**

  
**Annette:** are they here yet?

  
**Ashe:** i don’t see them but i’m saving two seats

  
**Ashe:** also where did Felix and Sylvain go? they were just here

  
**Ingrid:** they went to the bathroom together

  
** Annette:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

  
**Dimitri:** We just arrived, we’re standing in the back left corner, where are you?

  
**Annette:** wow Dimitri he’s very handsome

  
**Sylvain:** you have good taste my friend

  
**Felix:** sylvain

  
**Sylvain:** what?

  
**Ingrid:** the movie’s starting

  
** Mercedes:** turn off your phones everyone!

**8:33 PM**

  
**Annette:** nooooooo😭

  
**Ashe:** 😭😭😭

  
**Ingrid:** i didn’t know what was going on half the time and i’m still sad

  
**Annette:** here Mercie have some tissues i came prepared

  
**Mercedes:** ty 😭

  
**Dedue:** It was a bittersweet ending to the series.

  
**Sylvain:** guys Felix is crying next to me 😳

  
**Felix:** I am not

  
**Ingrid:** u guys want to go get boba and cry some more?

  
**Ashe:** sounds good

  
** Dimitri:** Claude and I are going to head back

  
**Dimitri:** We’ll see you all tomorrow

  
**Mercedes:** yes, have a good night

  
**Annette:** see you! it was nice meeting your boyfriend Dimitri thanks for bringing him

  
**Dimitri:** He said thanks for helping me date him

  
**Sylvain: **bruh

**Author's Note:**

> True story though, I watched Infinity War and cried while in line for boba afterwards.
> 
> The title was inspired by rin's comment on part 1.  
The smash references are for [TinyMog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyMog/pseuds/TinyMog).
> 
> I played Blue Lions route first so I'm predisposed to like them the most, however I do think they are the house which is the most like my real-life group of friends: the womanizer who (in my mind) ends up with the person that's liked them for a while now, the independent woman who's focused on work not love, the sweet mom friend, the enthusiastic and hardworking kid who's just trying their best, the quiet but incredibly kind and loyal person...
> 
> Felix's line is from [this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/70olu3/shit_the_the_fuck_up/)
> 
> Finally I was thinking about making a "student handbook" detailing the ins and outs of this universe in the description section of the series since obviously some things will be massively different (such as the Tragedy of Duscur since there are no kings). I'm the kind of person who wants everything to make sense 😅.


End file.
